People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
