i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
This is classic penis vs brain.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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