yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
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