I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
