I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
