you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
