Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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