Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
