New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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