3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
