Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
