Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
