put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
