I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
