Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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