I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
