im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
