You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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