I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
