You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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