i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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