I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
