Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
