i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
