I think I died a long time ago.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
