I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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