he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Randomize
