sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize