do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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