Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
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