he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
