I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
