I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
