You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
