Umm I'm too high to move.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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