Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
