i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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