I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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