: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize