I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Dignity is for republicans.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
