I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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