The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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