i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
