After last night, I could never be a politician.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
