She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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