then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
