ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize