i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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