smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Randomize
