So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
