I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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