Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(518): View more from New York

At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with

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(847): View more from Illinois

i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.

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(612): View more from Minnesota

I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.

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(815): View more from Illinois

He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.

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(812): View more from Indiana

It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.

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(206): View more from Washington

But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.

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(205): View more from Alabama

I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS

(205): View more from Alabama

THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT

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(334): View more from Alabama

All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.

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(218): View more from Minnesota

Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.

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