ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize