I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
