the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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