His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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