I can text with my tongue
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
