I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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