i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
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