Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
