dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Are my feet made of real feet?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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