Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
