New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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