I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
