coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
