Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
