i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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