My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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