pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
