just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
