it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
