You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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