i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
