Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
