Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
wrigley field is MILF paradise
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize