I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
