Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
