belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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