Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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