Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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