Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I deserve to be covered in dicks
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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