She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
