The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
