I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
