Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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