you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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