and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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