conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize