I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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