he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
he just fucked me for my cheese.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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