She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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