i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
