you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
