I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Boobs are out for the taking
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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