when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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