Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
