If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
