You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
