Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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