Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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