alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
