Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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