that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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