Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
