i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
