Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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