...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
