and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
