I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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