He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
