My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
