She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
