No, you can still breathe under the balls.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize