So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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