you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
