Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
