Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
