if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
