I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Can you bring me the toilet please
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize