I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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