Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
