ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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