My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
